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Glamour kills. Stay weird.

Jan 17, 2017


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I like big walls because they make me feel small. And I think sometimes it's good to feel small. 

Hi everyone! Happy Tuesday! Another glorious week. Utah finally decided to have the sun shine through but the air quality is terrible so I've been cooped up inside. KSL just released and article stating how harmful air pollution can be when your pregnant and that they're finally releasing studies where it correlates directly to the health of your baby. Which is SCARY for me. It makes me not want to breath when I go outside. It makes me feel trapped. But hey ho, not much we can do about that now. Other than carpool, only drive when necessary, don't leave our cars running, etc., etc. 

It's so weird to think that at this very moment my body, my miraculous body is housing a tiny little human. It makes me feel so weird. Vulnerable. Yet, empowered. I feel strong, and capable. 

What I also think it weird is how NO ONE talks about how vulnerable you feel when you decide to have a baby and once you get pregnant. It's like the scariest thing of your whole life. You're told your whole life to avoid having children until the time is right and then all of the sudden TURN IT ON. Pray it works. Pray it does what it's supposed to. I've prepared for months for this little one prior to even trying to get pregnant. Changed my diet, my beauty products, my cleaning supplies, even my water. 

I wanted to do every single thing in my power to be rest assured that I did everything humanly possible to provide a healthy and save environment for this little unborn babe. Because it is my responsibility. Which is something you never really think about before. You begin thinking about each and every step that lead you to where you are today, questioning every medication, cleaning product, chemical that's been in your life and how it could effect you. I know it sounds dramatic and crazy but it's really how I felt and what went through my mind. 

Anyways, pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I'm so very grateful to house a little angel and to have the opportunity to be a Gardener to this sweet little baby. I will nurture him/her and help him/her grow. I don't care for the word parent or parenting. It's turned into something I don't want to take part in. I encourage you to listen to the RadioWest podcast on NPR called 'The Gardner and the Carpenter.'

k bye! 


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